The San Francisco Manners Quiz

I'm going to rip-off an etiquette quiz on SFGate by publishing my own set of questions, have fun!

Question 1: You notice a Muni passenger picking his nose on the bus (and I mean, the guy doesn't use the other hand to cover it). Do you:

1. Let him keep picking for fools gold.
2. Make an insulting joke at him saying: "Pick harder! You'll reach your brain soon."
3. Give the idiot a tissue.
4. Record it on your cell phone camera and post it on YouTube.
   
5. Slap him with the morning newspaper.
   

Question 2: Aboard the quiet express bus, a phone rings and a lady answers it. She starts having a conversation for ten minutes, and nobody tells her to shut-up.

1. Let her chat away and listen in: "My butt itches bad, and this cream is not working!"
2. Tell her to shut up.
3. Get on your phone and have a 'counter' conversation, telling her of how much of a bad passenger she is.
   
4. Slap her with your morning newspaper.

Question 3: You see Mayor Gavin Newsom scratching his butt in public. What do you do?

1. Ignore it.
2. Offer him some Preparation H.
3. Snap a photo and post it online.
4. Yell out what he's doing. "Hey everybody! The Mayor is scratching his butt!"
5. Slap his scratching hand with your morning newspaper.

Question 4: You are driving down the street and a moron starts crossing the street when it's the red light for him. Do you:

1. Honk your horn.
2. Mow him down.
3. Yell out how much of an idiot he is.
4. Conduct a "drive by" slap of the morning paper.

Question 5: The front end of the Muni bus is packed, but the back part is empty. What do you do?

1. Wait for the next bus, surely it won't be that bad.
2. Be like those pushy folks in Chinatown getting aboard the 30 Stockton.
3. Yell out: "Fare inspectors!"
4. Tell them: "In Japan, they have these Japanese dudes shoving you in the train. Now, why can't we be like that?"
5. Just start slapping people with the morning paper to move aside.
   

Question 6: You just entered your car at the parking lot. Another car wants your space. What now?

1. Hurry up, get the engine running and let him/her take the space.
2. Screw around with the other driver for five minutes by just sitting in your car. Hell, I'll just activate the brake lights once in a while.
3. Read the morning paper, then go up to the other driver, offer him/her the paper, then slap the driver.
   

Question 7: You see ashamed ex-supervisor Ed Jew walking down the street. Do you:

1. Just ignore him.
2. Point your finger and laugh.
3. Offer him a gift certificate to an erotic toy store, since prison will be "lonely" time with his fleshlight? (Or getting it in the butt).
4. Slap him with your morning paper (preferably one with his picture on it).

Question 8: KRON 4 is having a live call-in show with financial consultant Rob Black. You and the entire city hates KRON channel 4. What do you do?

1. Watch the show.
2. Turn off-the TV.
3. Make a prank phone call, get through the screener with a B.S. question, and insult the station and the guy live on TV.
4. Visit the KRON studios and slap him with your morning newspaper on live TV.

Question 9: You ride Muni metro and the train breaks down in the tunnel, just short of the next station.

1. Wait patiently while Muni find a solution to evacuate the train.
2. Sing an insulting song about Muni's problems.
3. Pull the emergency door lever and walk 50 feet to the next station.
4. Wait until the Muni supervisor tells everyone to hold on for another hour, walk up to him/her and slap him with your morning paper because now you are late to work and there's no cell phone reception to call your pissed-off boss.

Answer key:

• If you picked the slap with the "morning newspaper," maybe it's time to switch to a different type of coffee.
• If you ever recorded a person doing something bad and posted online, you've got some guts.
• Lastly, if you do nothing, um... can I buy you a punching bag for you to unleash your rage? You can't can it forever!