Question 1: You notice a Muni passenger picking his nose on the bus (and I mean, the guy doesn't use the other hand to cover it). Do you:
- Let him keep picking for fools gold.
- Make an insulting joke at him saying: "Pick harder! You'll reach your brain soon."
- Give the idiot a tissue.
- Record it on your cell phone camera and post it on YouTube.
- Slap him with the morning newspaper.
Question 2: Aboard the quiet express bus, a phone rings and a lady answers it. She starts having a conversation for ten minutes, and nobody tells her to shut-up.
- Let her chat away and listen in: "My butt itches bad, and this cream is not working!"
- Tell her to shut up.
- Get on your phone and have a 'counter' conversation, telling her of how much of a bad passenger she is.
- Slap her with your morning newspaper.
Question 3: You see Mayor Gavin Newsom scratching his butt in public. What do you do?
- Ignore it.
- Offer him some Preparation H.
- Snap a photo and post it online.
- Yell out what he's doing. "Hey everybody! The Mayor is scratching his butt!"
- Slap his scratching hand with your morning newspaper.
Question 4: You are driving down the street and a moron starts crossing the street when it's the red light for him. Do you:
- Honk your horn.
- Mow him down.
- Yell out how much of an idiot he is.
- Conduct a "drive by" slap of the morning paper.
Question 5: The front end of the Muni bus is packed, but the back part is empty. What do you do?
- Wait for the next bus, surely it won't be that bad.
- Be like those pushy folks in Chinatown getting aboard the 30 Stockton.
- Yell out: "Fare inspectors!"
- Tell them: "In Japan, they have these Japanese dudes shoving you in the train. Now, why can't we be like that?"
- Just start slapping people with the morning paper to move aside.
Question 6: You just entered your car at the parking lot. Another car wants your space. What now?
- Hurry up, get the engine running and let him/her take the space.
- Screw around with the other driver for five minutes by just sitting in your car. Hell, I'll just activate the brake lights once in a while.
- Read the morning paper, then go up to the other driver, offer him/her the paper, then slap the driver.
Question 7: You see ashamed ex-supervisor Ed Jew walking down the street. Do you:
- Just ignore him.
- Point your finger and laugh.
- Offer him a gift certificate to an erotic toy store, since prison will be "lonely" time with his fleshlight? (Or getting it in the butt).
- Slap him with your morning paper (preferably one with his picture on it).
Question 8: KRON 4 is having a live call-in show with financial consultant Rob Black. You and the entire city hates KRON channel 4. What do you do?
- Watch the show.
- Turn off-the TV.
- Make a prank phone call, get through the screener with a B.S. question, and insult the station and the guy live on TV.
- Visit the KRON studios and slap him with your morning newspaper on live TV.
Question 9: You ride Muni metro and the train breaks down in the tunnel, just short of the next station.
- Wait patiently while Muni find a solution to evacuate the train.
- Sing an insulting song about Muni's problems.
- Pull the emergency door lever and walk 50 feet to the next station.
- Wait until the Muni supervisor tells everyone to hold on for another hour, walk up to him/her and slap him with your morning paper because now you are late to work and there's no cell phone reception to call your pissed-off boss.
- If you picked the slap with the "morning newspaper," maybe it's time to switch to a different type of coffee.
- If you ever recorded a person doing something bad and posted online, you've got some guts.
- Lastly, if you do nothing, um... can I buy you a punching bag for you to unleash your rage? You can't can it forever!