Akit's Top 10 List - San Francisco's "Official" Ice Cream Flavor?

What if San Francisco had its own ice cream flavor, what would that be?

SFGate asked that question to their readers, and while many said the flavor should be urine, I wanted to think of some fun flavors too, including the last one on this list to make fun of our incredibly stupid city laws.

Here's a list of flavors I would have declared as the "official" San Francisco ice cream:

1. Rainbow.  It's both a symbol of our diverse city, but also represents our LGBT community.
2. Any ice cream mixed with crumbles of locally made chocolates like TCHO.
3. Green tea.  If you like tea, that's a simple one.
4. Vanilla ice cream mixed with crumbled fortune cookies.  Did you know the fortune cookie was born at Benkyodo, a San Francisco Japanese confectionery and made for the Japanese Tea Garden?
5. Sriracha.  Who doesn't love this spicy kick sauce?  Make your mouth have a sweet and hot orgy.
6. Coffee ice cream, but the coffee must be sourced from a local company like Blue Bottle.
7. Ex-Supervisor Ed Jew flavor.  Contains tapioca balls because he tried to scam tapioca drink businesses, and has a peach flavor because he's having canned peaches for breakfast every single day at the federal prison.
8. Board of Supervisors flavor.  When you taste it, it tastes good, but slowly turns horrible (similar to passing laws that seems to be 'good,' but goes bad after people realizes how stupid, wasteful, or horrible it is).
9. Muni flavor.  Put it in your mouth, the flavor might show up right away, but usually the flavor shows up 10 minutes late or doesn't show up at all.
10. "Nothing" meaning absolutely nothing at all.  Reason?  The city supervisors banned the flavor (just like plastic bags and fast food toys), and there would also be a 2% Healthy San Francisco surcharge to that empty cup of ice cream just served to you.

Ex-SF Supervisor Ed Jew to be Released from Prison One Year From Today - Then Goes Directly to Jail

San Francisco's favorite moron, old friend, despicable extortionist, ex-San Francisco Supervisor, convicted felon, and federal prisoner #94086-111, Ed Jew will be released from federal prison exactly one year from today.

The Federal Conviction
He was sentenced to 64 months in federal prison when he pleaded guilty in federal court for a charge of bribery, mail fraud and extortion when he attempted to shake the the Quickly drink chain stores experiencing permit problems and asked for Ed's help.

When the folks at Quickly learned Ed was attempting to extort the beverage chain of tens of thousands of dollars for "assistance," they contacted the FBI.  The feds set up a sting operation by providing the money and video recording Ed counting his cash at his flower shop in Chinatown.  View the KGO Channel Seven video of him caught in the act.

While the prosecutors asked for a two year sentence, the judge threw the book at Ed and gave him a five year and four month sentence with a $10,000 fine.  If you didn't know, the federal prison system doesn't have parole, unlike California, so Ed has to serve his full term.  There is the possibility he may only need to serve 85% of his federal sentence for good behavior, which means a 54.4 month sentence, therefore he could be released in just three months.

Ed Isn't Free after Federal Prison
But, while Ed is being released from federal lockup in a year or less, he's going straight to the SF county jail as he was also sentenced to one year of jail, three years of probation and a $2,000 fine from the state criminal courthouse.

He took a plea deal that dropped eight of nine felony charges to just one for perjury for lying about his residency.  What happened is Ed was elected to represent the Sunset District by claiming he lived in the neighborhood, but city investigators found out the house he was allegedly living in had barely any usage of gas, electricity, and garbage service.  He admitted in open court prior to being sentenced that he lived in Burlingame when elected.

Ed abused the media by constantly lying and twisting the story, even doing a press segment in front of his "home" in the Sunset district.  But a stupid stunt Ed did was when a warrant for his arrest was issued by D.A. Kamala Harris, he surrendered to Burlingame police, instead of San Francisco.  The other city supervisors and politicians had enough of his antics.  Ed resigned on January 10, 2008 as part of a deal with the city to not be civilly prosecuted and face the Ethics Commission.

But, Ed may be released in eight months depending on behavior and any time he has held in lockup prior to conviction.

From a man who owned a flower shop, extorts a tapioca drink chain and lied about his residency, to becoming a felon spending good times in prison eating mushy carrots, to being a freed convict with felonies on his rap sheet; he's going to have a fun time working as a sub-contractor janitor in City Hall, removing trash from his former office.

The San Francisco Manners Quiz

I'm going to rip-off an etiquette quiz on SFGate by publishing my own set of questions, have fun!

Question 1: You notice a Muni passenger picking his nose on the bus (and I mean, the guy doesn't use the other hand to cover it). Do you:

1. Let him keep picking for fools gold.
2. Make an insulting joke at him saying: "Pick harder! You'll reach your brain soon."
3. Give the idiot a tissue.
4. Record it on your cell phone camera and post it on YouTube.
   
5. Slap him with the morning newspaper.
   

Question 2: Aboard the quiet express bus, a phone rings and a lady answers it. She starts having a conversation for ten minutes, and nobody tells her to shut-up.

1. Let her chat away and listen in: "My butt itches bad, and this cream is not working!"
2. Tell her to shut up.
3. Get on your phone and have a 'counter' conversation, telling her of how much of a bad passenger she is.
   
4. Slap her with your morning newspaper.

Question 3: You see Mayor Gavin Newsom scratching his butt in public. What do you do?

1. Ignore it.
2. Offer him some Preparation H.
3. Snap a photo and post it online.
4. Yell out what he's doing. "Hey everybody! The Mayor is scratching his butt!"
5. Slap his scratching hand with your morning newspaper.

Question 4: You are driving down the street and a moron starts crossing the street when it's the red light for him. Do you:

1. Honk your horn.
2. Mow him down.
3. Yell out how much of an idiot he is.
4. Conduct a "drive by" slap of the morning paper.

Question 5: The front end of the Muni bus is packed, but the back part is empty. What do you do?

1. Wait for the next bus, surely it won't be that bad.
2. Be like those pushy folks in Chinatown getting aboard the 30 Stockton.
3. Yell out: "Fare inspectors!"
4. Tell them: "In Japan, they have these Japanese dudes shoving you in the train. Now, why can't we be like that?"
5. Just start slapping people with the morning paper to move aside.
   

Question 6: You just entered your car at the parking lot. Another car wants your space. What now?

1. Hurry up, get the engine running and let him/her take the space.
2. Screw around with the other driver for five minutes by just sitting in your car. Hell, I'll just activate the brake lights once in a while.
3. Read the morning paper, then go up to the other driver, offer him/her the paper, then slap the driver.
   

Question 7: You see ashamed ex-supervisor Ed Jew walking down the street. Do you:

1. Just ignore him.
2. Point your finger and laugh.
3. Offer him a gift certificate to an erotic toy store, since prison will be "lonely" time with his fleshlight? (Or getting it in the butt).
4. Slap him with your morning paper (preferably one with his picture on it).

Question 8: KRON 4 is having a live call-in show with financial consultant Rob Black. You and the entire city hates KRON channel 4. What do you do?

1. Watch the show.
2. Turn off-the TV.
3. Make a prank phone call, get through the screener with a B.S. question, and insult the station and the guy live on TV.
4. Visit the KRON studios and slap him with your morning newspaper on live TV.

Question 9: You ride Muni metro and the train breaks down in the tunnel, just short of the next station.

1. Wait patiently while Muni find a solution to evacuate the train.
2. Sing an insulting song about Muni's problems.
3. Pull the emergency door lever and walk 50 feet to the next station.
4. Wait until the Muni supervisor tells everyone to hold on for another hour, walk up to him/her and slap him with your morning paper because now you are late to work and there's no cell phone reception to call your pissed-off boss.

Answer key:

• If you picked the slap with the "morning newspaper," maybe it's time to switch to a different type of coffee.
• If you ever recorded a person doing something bad and posted online, you've got some guts.
• Lastly, if you do nothing, um... can I buy you a punching bag for you to unleash your rage? You can't can it forever!

Ex-Supervisor Ed Jew - Pleads Guilty Again! Now for Lying about Residency

Dear Super Shameful, Scumbag, Ex-Supervisor Ed Jew,

I'm so happy that you plead guilty for a second time to charges about lying about your residency. Your career is over! But your career in a maximum security prison is just starting!

What a great moment in San Francisco history for everyone! You never really did live in the Sunset after all. You were just housed in your Burlingame home and driving to City Hall everyday. I don't know why the media just didn't follow you around, but it's so nice you admitted guilt.

You still haven't answered my previous question before: when Kamala Harris got the warrant for your arrest, why did you surrender to police in Burlingame? If you were smart, you would have surrendered with the SFPD or at least in Daly City. But instead, you go to Burlingame? Where your other "home" is located? And let's remember, Burlingame is much farther away than Pacifica, Colma, and Daly City.

So be prepared for prison. That's what the people want. You will be made an example to anyone who wants to pull that kind of crap. You won't get off easy like Julie Lee who got F***ING probation. You are a government official, and the people trust you to do your job legitimately.

Lastly, don't blame the Asian American population that got you in this situation. I'm also Asian American, and it's your own damn fault.

Sincerely,
Akit of "Akit's Complaint Department"

BREAKING NEWS - Ed Jew Pleads GUITY

That SCUMBAG ED JEW is going to have a pleasant time in PRISON...

HE just pleaded guilty in Federal court to charges of bribery, extortion, and plans to accuse others.

Now... we just need to get is stupid ass convicted for LYING about his RESIDENCY (a.k.a. elections fraud).

Why would this bastard lie about his residency? When DA Harris issued the warrant for his arrest, he surrendered to police at Burlingame. Burlingame is where his other "home" is located.

Stupid stupid stupid.

Remember Ed, prisons don't offer tapioca drinks, and extortion and bribery only works on fellow inmates so you don't become someone's "bitch."

More about this story here.

Also, I just fucked around with his wikipedia page. Hope he likes it.

EXTRA EXTRA - S.F. Supervisor Ed Jew to Resign

HOT NEWS FROM SAN FRANCISCO'S CITY HALL!

Suspended San Francisco Supervisor Ed Jew is to resign!

It's time to pop that cork of champagne and celebrate folks! The corrupt jackass surrenders!

If you resign, he's gotta be f-ing guilty of one of two things: taking a bribe, or not living in San Francisco.

I believe that he does not live in San Francisco, because his other home is in Burlingame. And when you get a warrant for your arrest, why the hell do you go to Burlingame to get booked by the cops?

For the entire news article, click here.

The ten days of San Francisco Politics Christmas

Since today is election day in San Francisco, I thought it would be fun to celebrate the upcoming holidays with the classic 10 days of [San Francisco] Christmas.

On the (number) day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
10 red light runners
9 dead pigeons on the street
8 Ed Jew criminal charges
7 disgusting Muni buses
6 anti war protests
5 homeless people!
4 Mean Muni drivers
3 Supervisor Duffy Porta Toilets
2 Chicken John purple vans
And a Newsom voodoo doll.

What would Gavin Newsom and Ed Jew's ID Badges look like?

Some more humor to akit.org... what would Gavin Newsom's ID look like? This is just a parody...

How about ED Jew's "Hello" name sticker? What would it say? Just a parody...

Supervisor Ed Jew - SUSPENDED

It's time to celebrate everyone! San Francisco Supervisor Ed Jew has been suspended by Mayor Gavin Newsom.

So now what happens? Good ol' Ed will be facing the ethics board at City Hall to face the charges that may oust him out of office.

Ed is one very stubborn man, he refuses to resign because of two very tough legal cases that he needs to fight to keep him out of prison, and having two legal cases must put a lot of pressure on the quality of his work as a city supervisor. So I say, it's good that he's been kicked out of office temporarily while he tries to get away from being possibly shived by a guy name "Ball Buster" in prison.

TapiocaGate - Ed Jew is going to Trial

Hot breaking news from the folks from the Chronicle, Ed Jew is going to trial.

Word around is that during the preliminary, the judge decided that there is enough evidence to go forward with a trial on nine (yes nine!) felony counts about lying on his residency to be able to be eligible to be a candidate on the ballot.

What do we have? Two sides:
Prosecution is saying that Ed lied about his residency eligibility. Uses evidence such as testimony from neighbors, officials from the post office, and officials from numerous utility companies on the house's usage.

Defense is saying that Ed is eligible to be a resident, yet Fazio (the lawyer) says that his wife "owns" the property in Burlingame and Ed must sleep there on "occasion."

What's my point of view on this case? Ed is just putting another nail in the coffin of his political career. Why not just plead guilty, and quit your supervisor job? Ever heard of saving face dude? I wonder how he takes showers in his sunset district home, oh wait, the waterman says that very little water is used, so he goes to his flowershop to do the damn job. Oh come on, everyone knows that we want to sniff and vomit to body odor!

Here's some great ways to make Ed Jew embarrassed in public or pissed-off:

• Go to a Board of Supervisors meeting (full board) and when it is public comment time, just laugh and point your finger at him for the entire two minutes.
• Send the Supervisor a penny for his legal fund. The idiot is actually begging for money! Why give him nothing when you just piss him off by making an effort to send him a penny taped onto a piece of paper! Send it here.
• Make your own "RESIGN: Supervisor ED JEW" bumper sticker here.
• Attend a pro rally, be the lone counter-protester, and be on a bullhorn laughing out loud at Ed supporters.
• Did you know that it is legal to protest in front of his house(s)? Why not do it? He's at 2450 28th Avenue, in San Francisco's Sunset. Or even more embarrassing, why not do it in front of his Burlingame house?

Let's summarize my rants:
I'll be on a microphone going haa haa ha aaahhhaaa hahaha hahahahahahahaaaaahhhhaaaa!

Annoying People in San Francisco City Politics

In the world of politics everywhere, there is always business to take care of, shaking hands, making speeches, and of course, using the system to your advantage.

On the past few days, I've been on a comment rampage on news sites and blogs about annoying citizens in San Francisco politics that enjoy abusing their citizens' rights.

First up: Kimo Crossman. He's been labeled in the Chronicle for wasting time with the Sunshine Ordinance, similar to the Federal Government's "Freedom of Information Act" where he puts useless requests for information that plugs up the system for REAL citizens who need information without much delay. Would you like a backlog of useless requests for government "public" information when you are last in line to get real information for a problem you might be facing? To learn more about the a-hole, read this article.

Second up: Two people I don't have names for, but if you go to any legislative meeting or hearing in City Hall, you always see an old lady and some guy that speaks English with an accent. What makes it annoying is that the lady and guy has nothing better to do and just decides to attend every FRICKIN' MEETING they can get their hands on. Also, they attend every meeting so that they can get in front of a microphone during the "public comment" session(s) of the meeting to give WORTHLESS COMMENTS to topics that don't involve them at all. Here's a message for you, there are REAL SAN FRANCISCO CITIZENS who want to leave comments to something that is way more important to them than what you people say.

I even remember going to a hearing about an event that affected my neighborhood drastically and the Supervisor invited residents to attend and tell their side of the story. When it was time for public comment, the old lady came up and spoke her mind, gave worthless shitty comments to an event that did not even involve where she lived, and wasted my time. I finally gave my comments, but sometimes you just feel like telling the lady, get a fucking job or a damn life.

Or how about this annoying person? Abusing their "public comment" time to sing a song about the troubled SF Supervisor Ed Jew?


Let's summarize my rants:
Kimo Crossman should scratch his head instead of his butt. Stop bothering our government for useless shit.
Stop wasting the time of our city hearings and meetings with pointless comments.
Can the deputies at the meetings kick out annoying ass people that give worthless comments?

Ed Jew asking for Money?

Ed Jew, the man who accepted a $40,000 bribe for tapioca drinks, today is asking for donations to pay off his lawyers and potential legal fines that is coming-up shortly. Shit, I thought his celebrity lawyers were doing it pro-bono (for free).

KGO (AKA "ABC 7 News") says that donations should be sent to Ed's Flower Shop. See story here.

Here's my advice:
Send your money to Ed Jew's Sunset District home just to piss him off.
I'll be sending in a PENNY. Good luck Mr. Bribe.

The Insane World of San Francisco Politics

Sometimes you have to wonder about what is going on with our city's weirdo politics, especially when it comes to the local government and our wacko state representatives.

Let's talk about our city politics:

-- Mayor Gavin Newsom:
The guy sure loves hair gel. I wonder, does he get that stuff at the Costco, or does he have to get the super goopy stuff down at the local Walgreens? Ever seen him without the gel? He looks kinda odd without it.

Newsom is especially taking the heat from Muni's really fucked up "T" Third line that eliminated the classic 15 line and put in an unreliable Metro system that has a reputation for being slower than BART.

How about the sex scandal? Can anyone believe that Newsom was able to escape the scandal by claiming that he was an alcoholic and that he was to go to treatment? Come on, I've heard that many times by bigger celebrities like Lindsay Lohan and Mel Gibson. I like to call Newsom's alcoholic defense "The Mel Gibson defense."

Also, did anyone see the "chicken" clip? Here's a look:

-- Supervisor Ed Jew:
Ed is becoming San Francisco's slappin' boy after being accused of taking $40,000 as an incentive (I call it a bribe) to get through the permit process for a couple of tapioca drink stores known as "Quickly." Later, the Chronicle finds out from his neighbors that they have never seen Ed go to his registered home in the Sunset District.

For the weeks after that, all the local news outlets were beating the crap out of him. The only news outlet that is trying to call out "racism" is AsianWeek. I read AsianWeek, but I don't like their view and opinions about their call-out that targeting Ed Jew for taking bribes and not living in San Francisco is simply racism. The guy really fucked-up, and especially the residency problem. Why be elected to a high profile job when your residency might be in question?

But still, the funniest thing about this Ed Jew problem: He surrendered to cops in Burlingame after DA Harris decided to put a warrant out!

-- Supervisor Chris Daly
The Mayor takes illegal drugs? Cool! I actually did a chant at the end of the Giants/Yankees game in the stairwell at AT&T park by yelling out "Newsom's crackpipe!"

-- Recall Chris Daly, Aaron Peskin, and Jake McGoldrick
To those who are running these recall petitions to get on the ballot: Get a damn life.

When I was shopping at my local Safeway store about a few blocks away, I was approached by this guy that was asking me if I lived in the Richmond district and if I would sign a petition to recall Supervisor Jack McGoldrick. I told that guy, get a [fuckin'] life.

Soon later, I learned that the McGoldrick recall effort was being spearheaded by some group outside of our district! See the facts about the McGoldrick recall effort here.

-- State Representative Carole Midgen:
Tell us when you drive your car, because I don't want to be on the freeway during those times!

Taking drugs and driving: Dangerous combination. Remember to read the bottle before driving.

Let's summarize my rants:
Newsom sure loves being caught in compromising positions.
No more "Mel Gibson defense!"
Ed Jew starring in TapiocaGate.
Chris Daly says the Mayor takes drugs? OK!
No more recalls!

The Dumbass - Ed Jew

"TAPIOCA-GATE"

San Francisco District 4 (Sunset) supervisor Ed Jew is in the "dog house" and has been hiding there ever since an arrest warrant was issued.

So the dumbass surrenders to the police to get booked and released on bond, but why do it in BURLINGAME?

Shouldn't the guy surrender at a SF police station?

Fact: His wife and children live in Burlingame, and he has a "home" in the Sunset District in San Francisco.

By getting booked in Burlingame, that already assumes guilt that he still lives in Burlingame, shit, why not just give up and TELL THE TRUTH? The guy is SCARRED FOR LIFE regardless if he's able to clear his name.

I think the news media should do this: An unmarked car should stakeout where he is hiding and follow him around town to see if he goes to the Sunset home or returns back to his Burlingame home. If they can do it for common criminals, like that lady who abuses her carpool privileges by driving alone to SF and getting premium parking for only carpoolers.

By quietly following Ed Jew, it would be enough proof to show if he's fucking lying or telling the truth.

Let's summarize my rants:
Ed Jew, resign and let the embarrassment go away
Tell the facts
We are watching you, like Big Brother on meth